I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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