I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
