How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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