Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize