i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.