she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.