I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
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and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
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The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation