Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.