Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.