His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
