He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
they're like a gay fantastic four
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
