i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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