I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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