one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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