if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
