I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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