Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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