Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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