We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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