ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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