I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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