Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
