If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
