I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
