Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
