when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
