I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
