I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
