hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
