I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
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He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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