therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
