He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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