He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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