I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
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no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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