Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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