it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
