We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
