My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
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Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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