seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
