I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
