Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
