i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
