Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
