I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
