Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
