I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I intend to get homeless drunk
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
