So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
