My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
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i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the raccoons are back...
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