i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
