where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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