She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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