Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
