no, he came in my armpit
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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