Apparently you make a good broom.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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