forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize