It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
