a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
