So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
