After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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