Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
