I'm eating all of the evidence.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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