i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
