I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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