your parents love me but you hate me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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