smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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