god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
