Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
