Can i not drive my cunt home
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
