I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
