I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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