please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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