Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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