I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
someone owes me an orgasm
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
