question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
