We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
In America we eat man semen.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
