i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
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He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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