She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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