im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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