my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
