We're like a lot better than the average bears
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
